


Willing to try

by la_chicas_mix



Series: Songs from a broken chair [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Songs From a Broken Chair AU, Touring, you know how this ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23610238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_chicas_mix/pseuds/la_chicas_mix
Summary: This story is very loosely based on my interpretation of the song “Villain” by Noah Reid.It follows Noah’s journey from cheating on Clare during on tour to meeting Dan and finally understanding why his relationship with Clare and all those meaningless sex encounters with groupies never felt right.
Relationships: Clare Lydia Michelle/Noah Reid, Dan Levy & Noah Reid, Dan Levy/Noah Reid, Noah Reid/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Songs from a broken chair [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749205
Comments: 20
Kudos: 23





	1. The devil’s on my side

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t researched Noah or Dan’s lives at all, or enough to know about relationship/concert timelines or any other details. This is proper FICTION. I debated a bit about making this a Patrick/David mashup too, but it just didn’t feel right.  
> Please feel free to suggest tags – I just don’t know what I am doing. And is the rating ok?  
> This story has not been beta’d. I don’t even know how you go about beta’ing at all. This is my first piece of fiction, like EVER. In fact, this is the longest thing I’ve written since I handed in my dissertation at Uni, 20 years ago.  
> Also, English is my second language, so apologies if the flow doesn’t quite feel right at times. Plus I sometimes struggle with the difference between “in” and “on”, so please be kind 😊

Things were not working out with her. Between acting, auditioning, creating music and the incredible amount of small-venue gigs that his manager had lined up for him in the last few months, Noah felt like the distance between him and Clare was getting bigger by the hour.

But he couldn’t blame her, not entirely. Actually, not at all. He was distracted, his heart wasn’t fully on this relationship. He had wanted it to work and, in paper, it looked like it was a match made in heaven: Clare had always known about Noah’s lifestyle… the acting, the music, the social life. And she embraced it. In a way she was his number one fan. And she was willing to put up with the trips and eventual long-distance spells for filming or concert events.

A few months into their relationship, Noah had just plainly realized that he didn’t love her. At least not the way she loved him. Yes, they were friends and they were very comfortable together. But the spark had died out after the initial fire of a brand-new relationship had waned. And for a while, that known comfort, that familiarity, and her love for him, were enough for Noah to stick around.

So he stuck around. For three years.

Until one day being comfortable wasn’t enough.

His music career was taking off… His popularity increasing. And despite always thinking of himself as a pretty average looking guy, the female fans waiting to catch up with him at the end of his concerts gave him a massive boost in his confidence.

Yeah, having those women staring and salivating at him like that… it did things to him.

It reminded him of the early days of every relationship he had ever had. The lust and passion. The excitement and pleasure. And who cared if those things never lasted more than a few days? They were amazing for those few moments of intimacy, even if short lived.

Tonight he took a fan back to his hotel, despite the disapproving looks from this tour manager and crew.

He wanted to feel all of that again. And he wasn’t feeling it with Clare.

Had he been too soft staying with Clare all these years? Was it fair on either of them to keep forcing this relationship when there was no chemistry, only companionship? It was comfortable for him. Really easy to play along. But how did Clare feel?

It was time to face the facts.

From his hotel room in Quebec, he called Clare after the fan had left.

_C: “Hello honey, how was tonight?”_

_N: “Hi… not bad, nowhere near sold out, but the crowd were really good, so overall I would say it was a successful night.”_ Noah tried his best to sound composed.

_C: “So pleased for you, honey… I mean it. I am sure you’ll be playing bigger venues soon.”_

_N: “Yeah, that would be great, but I can’t really complain. I’m really enjoying putting myself out there. Just me and my guitar… even if I’ve only played for 20 people some nights…”_ And this was true. This was what kept him going.

_C: “That’s the most important thing. That you’re enjoying yourself.”_

_N: “Yeah… Actually, Clare. I wanted to talk to you about something. It is definitely a conversation that we need to have face to face. Not something that I want to do over the phone, but I still have three more weeks before I head back home and wanted to talk about it soon.”_

_C: “Okay… I’m listening.”_ He could hear Clare’s weariness in her voice.

 _N: “Are you happy, Clare?”_ Noah just said it, without any preambles.

 _C: “What kind of question is that Noah? Of course I’m happy. Where are you going with this?”_ Was that panic in her voice?

_N: “Ok, let me rephrase that. Are you satisfied? Is this the life that you see yourself in 10 years?”_

_C: “Honey, you are scaring me. Are you sure you want to have this conversation right now?”_ There was definitely a knot in her throat. He could hear it.

 _N: “Yes and no. I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone. But at the same time, I can’t keep it inside of me for any longer.”_ He just sounded frustrated. And defeated. And tired.

There was a pause on the line. Clare had gone really quiet.

_N: “Clare. I love you. I really do.”_

_C: “And why do your words sound like you don’t mean it?”_

Noah could almost hear the lonely tear drifting down Clare’s cheek.

_N: “It’s just… Nothing. Nah, listen. I will talk to you when I’m home soon. Don’t worry about anything. It must be the stress of the tour and being away from you. I really miss you.”_

He couldn’t do it. Not on the phone.

He wasn’t feeling like the best boyfriend, having _just_ cheated on her with a fan. That quick fuck hadn’t even been that great. But he couldn’t tell her over the phone. Not something that was going to completely break their relationship for good.

Two nights later he did it again.

A different town. A different woman.

And again, three days later.

Despite doing this because he missed the fire and lust, he felt empty after each encounter. They absolutely didn’t mean anything, which was the whole point of it to begin with, wasn’t it? But, why was he not enjoying it as much?

With the first one, he had thought that it was the wrong type of girl.

With the second one, he had been too tired after travelling and everything else.

With the third one, he had not been able to come or finish her off.

 _Huh. Interesting._ He thought.

*** 

A couple of weeks, and several other meaningless fucks later, he came home and broke up with Clare. It was an ugly conversation that went on for a couple of hours longer than he thought it would. There were tears. There was begging. There was frustration, anger and hate. There was peace in letting all of that out, and finally there was understanding.

She was heartbroken but somehow, inexplicably, she understood.

_She understood what?_

That this relationship was going nowhere? That Noah didn’t feel attracted to her enough to even enjoy sex anymore? That he had cheated on her while on tour and didn’t even feel remorseful?

She was willing to try. She was willing to keep their special bond going for a bit longer. She would wait.

Fucking hell – he was NOT expecting that. Was _he_ ok with that? Was _he_ willing to stay in a stale relationship for comfort’s sake?

Thankfully his tour had been more successful than he had originally thought, and his tour manager had arranged a further leg of the tour, starting in Vancouver and heading south into the west coast of the US. He suddenly felt free. Not proud but free. This was his chance to chase that feeling he knew was missing. Clare was happy to wait for him, let him blow off some steam while he was away, and let him come back home at the end to the tour.

He packed his bags, took his guitar and flew to Vancouver.


	2. Been a villain for a while

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah starts to realise something about himself...

A sense of serenity and peace invaded Noah when he arrived in Vancouver. He had had plenty of time to ponder about his current situation during the flight, and although he still felt like some sort dick for how he was treating Clare, he also felt liberated. She had given him her blessing, after all. Everything will be better now.

_I’m on my prime_. He thought. _I need to enjoy myself_.

He had always been such a nice guy. The type that was responsible, dependable and kind to everyone. Hard working and steadfast. Tireless in every task that was trusted to him.

Now was his time to take risks. Now was his time to have some fun. To be reckless. And he was going to approach this like everything else in life – with a firm and immobile precision in achieving his goal: getting laid and filling that void that his soul had been craving to be filled for so long.

***

Each night, each concert, became kind of like a blur. Each city felt the same.

Vancouver

Seattle

Portland

Sacramento

Each night, the same routine: do the show, pick up a girl at the bar after the concert (and there were always plenty to choose from), go to the hotel, get drunk, have sex (and pretend he enjoyed it). Stay up for the rest of the night trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with him, why that hole in his chest was still bothering him, why nothing was changing.

Definitely this routine was not satisfying him. It was positively quantity over quality. His best fuck so far, in Portland just last Tuesday, could only be considered above average. He could easily have that from Clare. This was not the plan.

And last night had gone completely wrong. He still had no idea what the fuck had happened.

After one too many beers and whisky shots at the bar, the girl he picked up had got spooked in his hotel room and left in a hurry, suppressing tears as she run towards the door. Noah had turned a bit aggressive. He had grabbed her by the neck with a bit more force than he had intended. In his head he wanted this so much, he wanted this girl to finally give him what he needed, that for a split second a hunger for possession invaded his mind.

Who the fuck was this person? Noah couldn’t recognise himself. He was shocked and appalled. This wasn’t working.

_Is there something fundamentally wrong with me that I can’t even enjoy promiscuity with my girlfriend’s consent?_

The questions, the doubts, kept popping into his head. Hesitation. This was not the carefree fun he had signed up for. This recklessness was indeed making things worse. That void, that hole in his chest, the craving for more, for something meaningful… those needs were not being met.

On the road again, the following day, he made the decision to stop this nonsense. Fucking around with fans after concerts wasn’t giving him what he thought he needed. But the uncertainty of not knowing what he needed crawled back into his mind, leaving him restless, anxious and agitated. He needed another means to escape the growing uncertainty in his head.

Arriving in San Francisco that morning felt the complete opposite as to how he had felt arriving in Vancouver just 9 days ago. How could his mind, his life, endure such a monumental 180 degree flip in just a matter of days? Saying that he felt confused was probably the understatement of the year. He was perturbed and puzzled, and considered calling home, talking to Clare and getting some reassurance. But surely Clare was the last person he should be getting advice from? He still appreciated her as a friend, but he understood that her feelings for him would cloud any advice she would give him. She would not understand. She already thought putting them through this situation was beyond embarrassing and upsetting. But Noah needed to clear his head.

He checked in to his hotel and decided to take his mind for a walk.

Having never been to San Francisco before, Noah found himself wandering around an area that didn’t feel like your usual tourist trap but he still felt drawn to it. The streets were busy, the buildings brushed in vibrant and rich paint and decorated with colourful flags. And bars, bars everywhere.

He ventured into one, to quench his thirst.

Noah devoured the sight in front of him. Eyes wide open, taking in the view – a view that he had not expected when he went in, but somehow didn’t surprise him based on the atmosphere he had been noticing for the last 10 minutes walking around the neighbourhood.

This was a gay bar. _Huh_.

Now, Noah would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that the view was more than pleasant to him. The bar was anything but crowded, not at this time of the day. Which gave him plenty of space to people-watch as he settled on a stool at the bar, having received his drink.

He noticed how comfortable in their own skin all the patrons were. Most of them just talking, deep in conversation with each other. Some moving their hips to the rhythm of the trendy music blasting through the speakers, but not quite dancing. A few kissing each other, softly and passionately, holding each other like their life depended on it. Some just ogling and checking him out.

_Wait, what?_

Noah noticed a tall, -objectively cute-, blond guy approaching him. He looked Noah up and down, almost as if contemplating his options and positioned himself right next to him, his elbow brushing Noah’s elbow on top of the bar.

“Hello beautiful. I’m Mike. Can I get you a drink?”

His voice was soft, seductive, his speech delivered in such a smooth way that gave Noah the impression that those words had been uttered many a time before, like a very well-practiced speech.

Noah let out a small nervous laugh at the proposition. He knew he had entered a gay bar, that much was obvious. But he had not expected to be accosted within the first 5 minutes. He wasn’t shy, that wasn’t a feature that Noah would have ever used to describe himself and he wasn’t about to dismiss this gorgeous stranger just then. If anything, he could use a “friend”, someone to chat with, to distract his mind from all his troubles and doubts that had enveloped him since the first unsatisfactory hookup in Quebec.

“Hi Mike, I’m Noah” he said after just a moment’s reflection. “I’d love a drink and a chat, if you fancy. But for clarity’s sake I’d like you to know that I’m not gay”

A smirk appeared on Mike’s face. Almost like having won an internal bet that he had set himself.

“Nice to meet you, Noah” Mike said, still with that smug look splashed across his face.

“I’m sorry – do you care to tell me what you’re finding so funny?” Noah asked after feeling slightly unsettled by Mike’s constant self-pleased smile fixated on Noah’s lips.

“Oh it’s nothing… just that I particularly like debauching little closeted guys like you, and I love challenges”

Noah spat the drag of beer he was just drinking when Mike said that.

“Wow. Excuse you… – closeted? You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about” Noah said with a laugh. Noah thought he would find offense at the statement, but he just found it funny.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been around the rodeo enough to identify a closeted gay in denial when I see one. You should have seen your expression when you entered the bar – the realisation displayed across your face when you saw where you were, and the sudden desire reflected in your eyes spoke before you even noticed it”

Was this true? Had his mind subconsciously noticed something before he was actually aware?

Noah suddenly felt very self-conscious, sheepish, and not comfortable at all. He kind of felt betrayed by his own mind. He didn’t know what to think or feel, he was paralysed. So he just stood up, stared at Mike straight in the eyes – with a myriad of unspoken doubts and questions, and left the bar without speaking another word.

That night, after his concert, he went back to his hotel alone.

He had lots to think about that he hadn’t known he had to think about.

He had a boner just thinking about Mike.

_What the actual fuck?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realising that I'm not very good at writing dialogue. I'm dreading introducing Dan and not being able to depict their chemistry though dialogue... We'll see!


	3. Tell the warden I'm escapin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah is in LA for his last concert and meets with a friend at the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my longest chapter so far. Finally Noah meets Dan! As suspected, writing their dialogue was hard, so I've kept it to a minimum.

To say that Noah’s mind was spinning out of control wouldn’t even start to cover how he was feeling. He just couldn’t comprehend where this sudden and overbearing sense of doom was coming from. He had been obsessively thinking about the _incidents_ in the last 24 hours and lots of snippets of his past sneaked in his memory bank – events that hadn’t meant anything at the time, events that he dismissed and rejected as absurd, events that are coming back to haunt him now.

It’s not that he was in denial, it’s just that he had not given those thoughts the time to be processed.

_The furtive smiles with Sam at hockey practice_

_Their in-jokes that used to make his soul soar_

_How he used to crave spending time with him at school_

_How no one made him laugh like him_

Noah was now analysing every interaction he had had with Sam and with other guys at different stages of his life. Giving proper consideration to the little nuances, and if he had had any suspicion in the past about his sexual preferences, those doubts were now slowly clearing in his foggy mind.

He was now ready to give more thinking time and perhaps accept a fact that he has been avoiding for the last 15 years: that he probably fancied guys. _But how could he know for sure?_

***

Los Angeles was the last stop on this final leg of the tour. He would be flying back to Toronto shortly after tomorrow’s concert and he honestly couldn’t wait. For the first time in a long time he yearned to be next to Clare. He needed her embrace, her understanding ear, her soft voice reassuring him that everything was going to be okay.

He could now finally acknowledge where their relationship had gone wrong. There was a lot of love between them, but not _that_ kind of love. And what Noah needed right now was his best friend and confidant.

The concert went well without a hitch. It had taken him a couple of hours beforehand to get in the right state of mind in order to get out there and play his music without showing the internal turmoil that was happening inside of him. A telephone call to an old friend helped him get to that state of mind:

 _“Oh my god, Noah… is that you?!”_ the surprised voice said when she answered the phone.

_“Stacey, my beautiful and talented friend, long time no speak”_

_“Indeed! It’s been, what, five years?”_ she still sounded so surprised.

“Yes, I think so… So, how are things? I believe you’re in LA shooting a pilot?”

_“I am! We start in a couple of days, but my schedule’s just been crazy meeting the crew, the cast, learning the last-minute changes to the script and all of that. Wait, are you in LA too?”_

_“For another couple of days… I’m playing at the Rhythm Room tonight. You wanna come along? I could do with a friendly face right now”_ There was a hint of sadness in Noah’s voice that Stacey picked up straight away.

_“Of course! You do not sound like your usual cheerful self… I was actually meeting with a friend tonight, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to reschedule?”_

_“No, no – don’t change your plans for me... Bring him along perhaps? If you’re ok with that”_

_“That sounds like a plan. Text me the details and we’ll be there. So happy to hear from you, Noah. It’s positively been ages!”_

And with that, Noah’s spirit lightly cheered up, giving him that inner strength he needed to face the gig tonight.

Noah spotted Stacey and her friend in the crowd during the concert. She still looked as beautiful as ever, with her long silky copper hair and face of an angel. She was so petite, but somehow always managed to command a room. He couldn’t help but notice her friend too. A tall, dark haired guy, with black rimmed glasses that framed his face beautifully. Noah noticed him paying attention to the music, but also turning to talk to Stacey from time to time, with a gorgeous perfect smile that seemed to brighten up the room.

Suddenly it felt like Noah couldn’t look anywhere else. This stranger had captivated all his attention within seconds, and he couldn’t help but keep glancing over to where he was. Their eyes locked several times and, was Noah imagining things or did this stranger have a glint in his eye, staring deep into Noah’s soul?

Once the concert was finished, Noah headed out to the bar where Stacey and her friend were waiting. For some unknown reason, Noah was feeling nervous. And also, excited. Nervous and excited at the same time. He hadn’t felt like that in for a long time and you could almost notice his uncertainty, his stunted steps as he approached the couple.

 _“Noah!”_ Stacey enveloped Noah in a warm embrace as soon as she spotted him. It was so good to see her friend after all this time. Noah took her in his arms in a bear hug, honestly pleased to see her.

 _“Noah, this is my friend Dan”_ Stacey introduced them.

 _“Nice to meet you, Dan”_ Noah said with a shy smile, extending his hand out for a handshake.

Dan returned his handshake and Noah couldn’t help but notice how firm and simultaneously soft it was. He glanced over at their grasping hands, taking in as much detail as he could during the brief gesture. Dan’s hands were perfectly manicured, soft, not a callus on sight. His grip was solid, like a person who knows exactly what they want and how to get it.

As Noah glanced up from Dan’s hands to his face, he noticed Dan’s head slightly tilted and looking at him with a dainty grin, like someone who is both amused and interested.

_Oh, Noah was definitely interested._

It turns out that having this revelation about himself had made him start looking at guys in a different way. He was **noticing** them now. And Dan was _very_ easy to notice. His features were striking. His clothes fitted him beautifully. And his smile… Oh goodness, that smile was everything.

 _“Likewise, Patrick”_ Dan replied with a smile. _“You were wonderful out there. You sounded simply amazing”_

Noah felt a rush of adrenaline surge and laughed nervously.

 _“Thank you – I really appreciate your comment”._ There’s no way he could hide his blushing.

 _“So, guys, do you want to stay here for a drink or two, or shall we go somewhere else?”_ Stacey had to chip in, in order to break to intense staring that was currently happening between Dan and Noah. She looked at one and then the other, and again, until she had to chuckle under her breath. They still had their eyes locked with each other.

 _“Right… of course, Stace… Sorry, where were we… Let’s have a couple here first?”_ Noah was able to finally respond, not very eloquently. This triggered another small chuckle on Stacey, who seemed to understand quite perfectly what was going on here.

They ordered some drinks and found a free booth to settle in. Thankfully the Rhythm Room was not that busy at this time of night and they had no problems finding a space. Stacey sat next to Noah in the booth, with Dan sitting completely opposite Noah.

 _“Well, Dan, what do you do?”_ Noah asked, unable to take his eyes off him. If Stacey was feeling a little bit ignored, she chose to keep that to herself and watch the scene unfolding in front of her.

 _“So I’m in between jobs at the moment. I’m auditioning here and there, but at the same time I am writing a script for a show of my own”_ Dan’s hands were very expressive, moving up and down as he talked. If anything, it made not looking at Dan even harder.

Dan spent a little time explaining the idea for his show, just some sketches in his mind of what would become a very successful comedy in years to come. Noah was hypnotised, fascinated by every word coming out of that gorgeous mouth, brushing those sensual lips.

Conversation flowed easily. Noah found himself quite comfortable talking to Stacey and Dan. Perhaps because he appreciated Stacey so much and he knew that any friend of hers was worth knowing, but Noah felt like he had also known Dan for years, like reconnecting with an old friend rather than talking to a perfect stranger. They talked about Toronto (where Dan was also from), about the theatre and music scene there, dream holiday destinations and top 10 favourite romcoms. There was an obvious backwards and forwards between Noah and Dan, almost like flirting to the untrained eye, free smiles and glistening of eyes. Drinks were flowing nicely, they were all getting a bit tipsy, and after a few more staring contests, they were ready to move to the next place.

They took an Uber to La Descarga, a hip Cuban lounge bar that felt like the perfect venue to continue tonight. The atmosphere in that place was simply enthralling – the moment they walked in, the loud music from the live band surrounded them and sent them into a trance in which they just wanted to dance.

As Stacey headed to the bar to get them more drinks, Dan grabbed Noah by the waist, leaned over and whispered in his ear _“Come and dance with me”._ It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. How could Noah resist such an appealing proposition? He wasn’t known for his good moves on the dancefloor, but after a few too many drinks, being a good dancer was the least of his worries – he was more concerned about not taking his eyes off this gorgeous man, who was now very sensually dancing way too close to him for comfort.

He wasn’t sure if it was the high level of alcohol in his system, but Noah felt a rush of something… Like goosebumps creeping through his flesh, like a primal desire burning from his crotch all the way up to the tip of his ears.

Unexpectedly Noah was too overwhelmed all of a sudden. He had to stop.

 _“Everything ok?”_ Dan asked with furrowed eyebrows, unable to hide his apprehension.

_“Yeah, sorry, I just need a minute”_

_“Do you want to go out for some fresh air?”_ Noah didn’t really know how to take this question. Was Dan insinuating that they leave together or was it genuine concern for his health? Regardless of the answer, what Noah needed right now was to put some space between them. Dan’s presence was so intoxicating that Noah felt like he couldn’t breathe any more.

Stacey grabbed Noah to the side to check on him. Dan headed out – maybe he needed some air himself.

 _“What’s up?”_ She had the same kind of furrowed eyebrow that Dan had just a minute ago.

 _“I don’t know Stace – I think I’m attracted to guys. I think I’m attracted to Dan – but I also believe that I’m drunk, and I don’t know what’s real and what’s not”_ Noah was almost slurring his words, he wasn’t even sure what he was saying any more.

 _“Well, I wouldn’t be lying if I said that I’ve noticed something between you two. There was most certainly a spark in the first five seconds, and I haven’t seen Dan this interested in anyone for a very long time”_ Stacey responded with candor in her voice.

_“I can’t deal with this right now, Stace – I need to go back to my hotel and clear my head. Thanks for coming tonight, I really needed this – you’re an amazing friend. Please tell Dan goodbye from me”_

And with that Noah left, not looking back – leaving Stacey behind. Noah took an Uber back to his hotel.

His head was spinning out of control. A million ideas, wild and desperate, kept invading his thoughts. There was only so much that he could blame on the alcohol, though. The spark had been there from the beginning. He hadn’t made up the obvious chemistry between them. The alcohol had only augmented the attraction, the appeal, the flirtation. But how did Noah feel about all of this? His feelings were so raw, having only _just_ discovered this about himself: that he liked guys, that he was desperately attracted to Dan in particular, that he had never been this fascinated by anyone else in his life before.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to rest. He gulped a large glass of water and went to sleep.

What felt like not enough hours later, Noah was woken up by some beeping coming from his phone.

  * Hi Noah, this is Dan
  * Dan Levy
  * Stacey’s friend
  * She gave me your number
  * Just wanted to check in on you. You left quite suddenly last night and wondered if you’re ok
  * Anyway, here to talk if you want to



He had to read that twice. No – _thrice_. Before propping himself up on the bed, his head resting against the soft headboard.

 _Breathe Noah_ , he thought to himself.

Breathe.

Images of last night reappeared as clear as daylight in his mind.

Dan’s soft hands

Dan’s laughter

Dan leaning in to whisper in his ear

The butterflies in his own stomach every time Dan stared into his eyes

Breathe.

  * Hey
  * Sorry about last night. Drunk a bit too much
  * Wasn’t feeling too well
  * But thanks for checking in



This was enough. Wasn’t it? He had apologised and he had thanked him. That was enough.

But before he could allow his mind to wander any further, his phone rang.

It was Dan.

It rang four times before he answered, not really sure what he wanted to say to him.

“ _Oh, hi”_ Noah almost whispered into the headset.

 _“Hi, sorry to call – I know you may still be hangover, but I was really worried about you”_ There was genuine uneasiness in his voice, and suddenly Noah felt lighter. He remembered how easy it had been to talk to him last night, and all of a sudden, he felt like he could really _talk_ to him.

 _“No, no – don’t worry. Really, it was quite rude of me to leave so soon without saying goodbye... I… I really had a great time with you”_ Noah said in a hush tone, still quite shy despite feeling weightless.

 _“I had a great time with you too Noah”_ Dan sounded relieved. _“Can I be honest here? – It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt this connection with someone, and I would love to see you again so we can talk”_

This caught Noah by surprise. He had truly not thought that he would see Dan again. He was leaving Los Angeles for home in less than 24 hours, and his plan for the day was to just lay on his hotel bed and probably jerk off to the thought of that gorgeous, dark-haired man that had captivated him in a matter of hours last night.

“…Talk? Ermm… yeah, sure – text me the details and I'll meet you there”

A couple of hours later, Noah met Dan at the Santa Monica Pier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Researching places in LA was fun. Both venues that I mention are real and both look amazing in the images that I found online.


	4. Oh man I never stood a chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah and Dan spend a lovely afternoon at Santa Monica Pier... with an interesting proposition at the end of their meeting.

Noah saw Dan approaching and straightened up. He had been leaning on a lamppost just by the Pier’s entrance, fumbling with his phone, unable to focus on anything of relevance. But Dan’s figure was hard to miss. He carried himself so well, with such a presence.

 _“Hey”_ was all Noah could manage to get out once Dan was right in front of him. He had a shy smile in his face, with just barely the corners of his lips raising up.

Dan leaned in and gave him a small little peck on the cheek, to Noah’s surprise. _“Thanks for coming, Noah. I wasn’t sure you’d come”_

For just an instant, they both fell silent, like the rest of the world had stopped and it was just the two of them there, standing looking into each other’s eyes. The moment was broken when Noah’s tummy comically rumbled.

It was 1 in the afternoon and he was starving. He had not eaten anything since waking up as he didn’t think that his stomach could tolerate anything solid for a while. But now, recovered from the hangover but also mixed with nerves, his tummy was screaming for something.

 _“I’m so sorry – it seems like my belly has got a voice of its own”_ Noah said, all embarrassed and blushing.

 _“No… no…”_ Dan said, slightly shaking his head while looking down at his shoes, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to take over all of his face. _“I could also eat, actually… shall we grab a bite?”_

They headed for Big Dean’s café, chosen due to its proximity to the entrance, rather than anything else. They grabbed a table outside. It was a nice enough day and the sun was shining, plus Noah felt like a bit of fresh air – he didn’t want to go in, in case it was stuffy inside.

They looked at the menus in silence, and for a little moment it felt a bit uncomfortable. It seemed like neither Dan nor Noah wanted to say the first word, and Noah started to wonder if this had been a mistake.

Dan must have noticed the tense atmosphere hanging between them because he suddenly inhaled, loudly, -almost like braving himself- and spoke: _“So how are you feeling today? Much of a headache?”_ Dan’s words were soft, like he knew that it was a possibility that Noah was still feeling weak after the previous night partying. But they were also soft, as in someone who is genuinely interested.

Just then the waiter came to take their order, distracting them for a brief moment.

_Breathe Noah_

He couldn’t bring himself to look up. To look into those beautiful dark brown eyes. Noah knew that the moment that he locked eyes with Dan, he wouldn’t be able to look away. Not for a minute. Not for all of eternity.

Dan encouraged Noah to look up by extending his hand across the table towards under Noah’s chin, gently lifting his face up.

 _“Look at me Noah”_ Dan whispered.

Dan’s touch on his skin, even if brief, felt like fire. That same rush he had felt the previous night came back to him. He abruptly remembered every tingle and thrill bolting from his crotch to the tips of his ears. But now he couldn’t blame the alcohol.

And their eyes finally locked again.

It just magical. Without uttering a single word, they both felt the same sparkle, charged with unspoken desire and pure attraction.

Dan didn’t beat around the bushes and went straight to the point:

_“You know… It’s been a while, Noah – I’ve been single for a long time and I’ve kind of forgotten what I’m supposed to even be saying right now. But I need to be honest with you: I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since last night. Please tell me it’s not just in my head”_

Noah gave him a tender look and paused for a second before replying.

 _“No, it’s not. I feel it too Dan. But if we’re talking sincerely, I need to also be honest with you and tell you that this is very new to me. I’ve never felt like this about a guy before. And the truth is that I am scared”_ Noah explained.

 ** _“_** _Oh, okay…”_ What was Dan feeling? What did this _okay_ mean? He sounded tentative, unsure. And this made Noah even more nervous.

 _“Listen. We had lots of fun last night but I’m flying back to Toronto tomorrow anyway. Let’s just enjoy lunch and say our goodbyes”_ Noah had found some strength inside of him to say this, because someone had to say it. It was ridiculous. They had met just hours ago, Noah was flying home soon, the chances of anything relatively meaningful happening between them was close to zero.

Dan looked defeated and somber. But he nodded and said, _“you’re right, let’s enjoy lunch”._

With that their food arrived, and they dug into their dishes. The mood lifted all of a sudden. They were both able to put those impulsive feelings aside, and just enjoy each other’s company for the remainder of time they had together.

They ate and they drank quite happily, and had nice effortless conversations, talking about Dan’s family -in particular his dad Eugene, whom Noah had always admired-, and about Noah’s acting and music career, how he has always preferred theatre over TV, and TV over film, but music winning over acting every time. How this tour had meant so much to him, and how fulfilled he had felt every night putting himself out there, sharing his passion with people who understood his music.

They talked and talked. For hours.

Before they could realise, it was 4:30 in the afternoon.

 _“Oh my, look at the time. I think I’d better head back to the hotel now. I do have an early start tomorrow”,_ Noah managed to say lazily, lingering by the table as they stood up. Maybe it was the food, maybe it was the sunshine, but he felt content and satisfied.

He was looking idly at his surroundings, taking in the images of families and couples, leisurely ambling along the Pier. Everyone looked so relaxed and happy. And so did he. It had been such a wonderful and chilled afternoon. Once the uncomfortable conversation was out of the way, both Noah and Dan had been able to settle in an easy and cozy dialogue, almost familiar and intimate. Filled with jokes and laughter too.

 _“Would you like to walk to the end of the Pier and back before you leave? It would be a shame to come all the way here and not appreciate the ocean view from there”_ Dan sounded hopeful. He didn’t want the afternoon to end, but he didn’t want to push Noah either.

 _“Yeah, why not, it’s still not too late”._ Noah didn’t want the afternoon to finish either.

They took in the mood from all the other couples around them and aimlessly strolled along the promenade. It was a very pleasant amble, made even better by the easy flowing and funny conversations with Dan. They had not stopped talking since the café and Noah’s mind kept getting lost in thoughts of warmth, affection and heat. Of how easy everything felt. How this _relationship_ (was he calling it that?) felt just so good and pure.

It was a beautiful spring afternoon, unseasonably warm for this time of the year ( _or maybe just warm compared to Toronto_ , Noah thought), and by the time they got to the end of the Pier, the sun had begun its descent towards sunset.

It was such a stunning view. Dan was right. It would have been such a shame to miss this.

And it felt so goddamn romantic.

 _Fuck_.

Once again, in the space of two days, Noah’s mind was spinning out of control. _He_ was feeling out of control – the angel and the devil parts of his brain battling for and against this moment and what might or might not happen.

They both leaned over the mezzanine and just stood there for a while, enjoying the slight breeze and feeling the warm sunshine on their faces.

Noah turned his head to steal a look at Dan. He had his eyes closed and the expression on his face just appeared calm and peaceful. Noah wondered how Dan could look so at peace when his own mind was racing, with so many conflicted emotions bothering him at the same time.

He left out a deep breath as he turned his head back to face the ocean, but the sound startled Dan out of his reverie.

 _“Noah…”_ Dan murmured, reaching gently for Noah’s hand.

 _“I think it’s time I head back”_ Noah found himself saying, moving his hand abruptly and avoiding looking at Dan in the eye.

 _“No, wait. Please. Wait one more minute… Let me enjoy you for one last minute_ ” Dan had closed his eyes again, was inhaling deeply and had a pained look in his face.

 _“What’s the point Dan. Really. What’s the fucking point”_ Noah was now just sad. He stared at Dan into his now open eyes and could feel his own eyes starting to water.

And without warning, Dan reached for Noah’s chin -again-, gently moving his face closer to him. He was now well into Noah’s space, closing the distance between them. Slowly, very slowly, Dan leaned in, closer and closer. So slowly that Noah could have stopped this any time. But he didn’t want to.

Staring intently into Dan’s lips, Noah allowed for it to happen.

The gap between them was now minimal. Still staring into their eyes, they both could smell each other’s scent, their breath, remnants of perfume. It was so intoxicating.

And then they both surrendered into the kiss.

Gently at first, just their lips colliding with each other, but not too chaste. Their lips had been wet, from the anticipation of the moments before, so it was easy for them to fall into a more heated kiss. The tips of their tongues tentatively entering each other’s mouths. And that gentle kiss turning into a passionate one. It just felt _so good_.

Dan’s hand had long left Noah’s chin and he now had both hands surrounding Noah’s face. Holding him gently as his thumbs brushed his cheeks. And Noah had slowly brought his hands to Dan’s waist, holding him closer as their kissing lingered.

 _So good_.

Noah wanted this so much, and it was obvious from Dan’s body language that he also wanted this. SO much. This was exactly that feeling he had been chasing when having random hookups with girls after his concerts. The exact sensation he knew he craved, the intensity that would fill that whole in his soul.

But.

What was he doing?

Suddenly he realised he had never known what he would do once that hole had been filled. He had absolutely no idea what the next step needed to be. Stay here with him and have a one-night stand? That’s what he had been doing with the other girls. But they hadn’t mattered. Dan mattered.

Noah took a step back, removing himself from Dan’s grip, and timidly looked to the floor, leaving Dan looking perplexed and puzzled.

_“Sorry Dan. I really am. I just need to go”_

Noah attempted to walk away but Dan grabbed his hand, making him stop on the spot.

 _“Why. Give me a good reason why you need to go right now”_ Dan’s voice sounded desperate, like he knew he had run out of time.

 _“I don’t think I have to justify myself to you”_ Noah had a hint of frustration in his voice. He was looking at Dan straight in the eyes, attempting to get him to understand with just a simple look. _“But if you must know… because I’m scared. Scared of what all of this means. Scared of how much I want you”_

Dan was still holding on to Noah’s hand, so he pulled him closer again into a tight embrace. Noah rested his head in the space between Dan’s neck and shoulders, being able to absorb more of that intoxicating scent emanating from him. And he let himself go into the embrace, sobbing gently into Dan’s neck.

They stayed like this for a long time. Or perhaps just it felt like a long time. Maybe it had only been two minutes but it seemed like an eternity. And Noah loved it. Loved the sensation of feeling safe being held by Dan. Loved the intimacy he had achieved with this perfect stranger in such a short period of time. Loved that he knew he could stay still in this spot forever with him and everything would be okay.

 _“What do you want, Dan?”_ Noah managed to say, his voice somewhat trembling, and still cradled in Dan’s arms.

The sun was now setting and the light in the pier was magical. Tones of orange, purples and coral enveloping them in their embrace. Dan looked dreamily at the sunset in front of them before replying.

_“I want to find a way to make you stay. I want to get to **know** you. I want to know what your skin feels like. I want to know what it’s like to wake up lying next to you... I want **you** Noah, like I haven’t wanted anyone in a very long time”_

Dan was still looking into the sunset, but one of his hands had come up to rub on the back of Noah’s head, and his fingers were just gently brushing through the nape of his neck.

 _“I can’t stay Dan. I am flying back to Toronto in the morning – you know this. Why are you making this so difficult”_ Noah was still talking into Dan’s neck, tears threatening to spill. He knew Dan had heard, though, as his embrace got tighter when he finished his sentence.

_“Come back with me to my place. Spend your last few hours with me. Please”_

_“I don’t know…”_

_“I am begging you, Noah. Please”_

Their mutual desperation was right there in their eyes, their desire overflowing.

And Noah found himself weak and powerless, unable to resist the proposition.

He pulled away from Dan and turned to look at him straight in the face. They locked their eyes and just stared at each other for a moment, losing themselves into a sea of dark brown and honey.

 _“Okay”_ There was doubt in his voice, but Noah nodded without breaking his gaze.

 _“Okay?”_ A tear fell down Dan’s cheek and he couldn’t hide his surprise and elation.

_“Let’s go.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I hate writing dialogue. But hey, I think my next chapter will be the last, so I can put an end to my dialogue-misery :)


	5. Only statements of intent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah and Dan spend the night together, but Noah still needs to return to Toronto the following day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a bit out of hand, sorry. It's almost 4k words but once I got writing I couldn't stop.
> 
> Rating changed to E as there is a bit of sexiness... Never written anything explicit before, but I think I've read enough E-rated stuff to not embarrass myself too badly here :)

The ride to Dan’s apartment was approximately 20 minutes long, however it felt like only five minutes had passed when the taxi driver stopped outside the brick building. They had not been able to keep their hands and lips off each other, only tempering themselves a bit after the driver deliberately coughed to warn them that they had arrived.

Dan paid the fare and gave the driver an apologetic shrug, before getting out and holding the door open for Noah.

As Noah got out, Dan thought he noticed a hint of hesitation on his step.

_“Are you sure you want this?”_ Dan braved himself to ask.

_“More than anything”_ Noah assured him. He felt courageous and determined. Even if for a brief moment.

Noah turned to peck Dan. Just a brush of their lips, but with the same electricity than before.

_“I’m sure Dan. I really want this”_ He iterated.

The journey through the building’s lobby, up in the elevator, and in the corridor until reaching Dan’s door was quiet. The atmosphere between them was heavy with anticipation, full of longing and desire.

Once they were inside the apartment, however, the quietness between them briefly disappeared.

Dan locked the door behind him and turned to look at Noah, who was curiously examining his new surroundings.

_“Would you like a drink?”_ Dan offered.

_“Mmmm, yes… pour me something strong, please”_

Dan poured them some scotch and they both sat on the sofa, staring at each other but not uttering a single word. They were facing each other, leaning their arms on their own knees, holding the drink and sipping casually every now and then.

Eventually Noah finished the rest of his drink in one gulp and put his glass down on the coffee table. He leaned over to Dan’s side of the sofa and took his drink off his hands and rested his still half full glass next to his empty one on the table.

Without breaking eye contact, Noah held Dan’s hands and smiled directly into his soul. But he didn’t know what to say - _was there anything else left to say_?- so he just rubbed his thumbs across Dan’s palms and stared into his charming chocolate eyes.

Dan couldn’t handle the silence any more.

_“You are so beautiful, Noah – inside and out. I want you so much”_

Noah broke the gaze and looked at his feet while trying to contain an even bigger smile. He was overcome with shyness, knowing what was coming next: Something that he also wanted. Something he had been craving since he saw Dan for the first time in the crowd of his concert, less than 24 hours ago.

It’s not that he lacked confidence, it’s that he didn’t trust himself. Noah feared falling even deeper for this stranger, this friend of a friend, who lived thousand of miles away. He softly shook his head, trying to remove those thoughts from his mind. He was determined to see this through, and those thoughts were not helping. He didn’t need to think about tomorrow, or next week, or any point in the future when might or might not see Dan again. He was here now and that was all that mattered.

He stood on his feet and offered his hand to Dan. Dan took it and got up, even more fascinated than he had ever been by this enigmatic and gorgeous man, who seemed to have gained some boldness to thoroughly enjoy this evening.

Standing up, facing each other, Noah whispered while gently rubbing his index and middle fingers across Dan’s face, smoothly brushing his lips: _“YOU are beautiful Dan… your eyes, your eyebrows, your smile, your hair… you are perfect, and you have captivated me”._

Dan’s eyes had delicately closed the moment Noah caressed him, his face pulling an expression of utter pleasure. When he opened them again, he saw Noah had moved closer to him, intensely staring into his mouth, moistening his own lips with his tongue, readying himself for the immediate kiss.

And there it was. The passionate kiss that the couldn’t have at the Pier. The ardent kiss they most definitely couldn’t have in the taxi.

Their faces melted into each other and their bodies merged into one, a mess of extremities that couldn’t stop touching and feeling and rubbing and stroking. Head, hair, face, arms, shoulders, back, waist, hips, butts…

The heat was rising and clothes started to be shed.

It was bizarre getting undressed whilst devouring the other person, however Noah couldn’t waste another second not tasting Dan’s mouth, not licking his neck, not fondling with his lobule… and all of that while trying to keep his balance, removing his shirt, his belt, toeing his shoes off and unbuttoning his trousers.

Dan was mirroring his movements with the same urgency and passion, and soon they were both almost naked in front of each other, only half unbuttoned trousers remaining on.

Noah took a step back, still panting, trying to regain his composure. And he looked at the spectacular display of a _man_ in front of him. As Noah had imagined (and he had had plenty of thoughts about the matter at hand since last night), Dan’s chest was hairy, broad but well defined. His skin soft and somewhat tanned. His nipples pinkish and hard to the touch.

_“You are exquisite”_ Noah murmured, his voice thick with desire. And before Dan could react or even say anything back, Noah was at his neck again, possessively consuming him, marking his territory with the beginnings of a hickey, absorbing every single sound and moan coming from Dan. Every groan was cutting through his body and mind.

Moving down from Dan’s neck, Noah headed south over his chest, carefully covering every available bit of skin, paying special attention to his pink and hard nipples.

The ripples of desire burst through both of them. Neither of them had been this turned on in a long time and they were relishing in the new tastes, appreciating the meticulousness in which they were exploring each other bodies.

_“Let’s move this to the bedroom”_ Dan suggested.

Noah followed Dan into the bedroom, where they finally got rid of their trousers, standing in front of each other in just their underwear.

Noah couldn’t help but notice Dan’s erection and his mouth started salivating.

_“Like what you see?”,_ Dan teased.

_“I don’t know – I can’t see much yet”_ Noah flirted back.

_“That’s easily resolved”_

This was their cue to finally remove the last piece of clothing that was still interfering with their full nudity.

_“God, Dan – you are…”_ Noah struggled for words. _“…you are quite a vision”_

Dan thrived with the compliment and it was all the encouragement he needed to launch himself towards Noah, slowly pushing him towards the bed, until Noah fell backwards on the bed and Dan climbed on him, riding his hips and taking the opportunity to have his go at Noah’s neck and shoulders ( _oh god… those shoulders_ ), his chest… moving down to his crotch.

The sounds emanating out of them were desperate and filthy, resounding deeply in the otherwise quiet room. A mixture of “ _oh god_ ”, “ _so good_ ”, “ _Jesus fuck_ ” and each other’s names were being inhaled and exhaled, murmured and squealed, as their bodies rubbed incessantly against each other.

After a while, after he had savoured every inch of skin, Dan took Noah’s length in his mouth and Noah was overcome with an explosion of feelings, like it was the first time that he had his cock sucked. Noah had never realised it could feel _this_ good, it was fucking mind-blowing, and he wanted more, more, more.

But he was not ready to come yet, no fucking way he was going to let that happen.

He gathered strength from where he didn’t know he had any, and gently pulled Dan away, caressing his jaw up and nuzzling his hair while panting _“Hang on… please hang on”_

He collected himself as best as he could and turned his attention back to Dan. He lifted himself up and pushed Dan into the mattress. It was his turn to devour him. But he wanted to take his time – he was in no rush to bring the night to an end just yet.

Looking at Dan, spread out on the bed for him, was just… breathtaking.

Dan, noticing Noah’s bewildered look, urged him back.

_“Come here, lay with me”_

For a moment, they laid on their sides, extremely close, facing each other, looking into their eyes, but still unable to keep their hands off each other. Dan was caressing Noah’s slightly curly hair, while Noah was stroking Dan’s hip, slowly reaching towards his behind with one hand, as the other just rested on his chest, feeling Dan’s heartbeat.

The intimacy of this instant was driving Noah crazy. This was exactly what he had been craving, this was what was filling up that hole in his chest, in his soul. The weight of the situation was so intense and overwhelming that Noah’s eyes started to well up.

“ _Shhhh… It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything if you’re not comfortable. I’m happy just laying here with you”_ Dan reassured him.

_“No… it’s not that. It’s just… that I feel… Fuck, I feel happy. Oh shit, how pathetic am I. I’ve known you for a day and I’ve never been happier”_ Noah’s voice was wobbly, but he was doing a sterling job to keep his threatening tears at bay. Both his hands were now brushing Dan’s chest… around his pecks, moving up and down, from his neck to his belly.

_“I’m happy too Noah, so happy that Stace changed our plans yesterday, so happy to have met you… Fuck. What a pair of sentimental shits we are”_ Dan joked, trying to lift the mood.

Dan’s words had the intended effect and Noah relaxed a bit. Still full of desire, he continued with his exploration of Dan’s skin, wanting to learn about every line, every crevice. Dan welcomed this change in mood too, and carried on with his own stroking, from the back of Noah’s neck all the way down his lower back, and up again.

The narrow space between them became smaller and smaller until they were now again all tangled together, kissing passionately and thrusting their hard cocks against each other. Their movements became faster, turning into a frantic rhythm… the moans and groans were getting louder, and they were both whispering each other’s names as the pleasure became too unbearable and they were both coming together within seconds of each other.

They stayed like that, all tangled up, wrecked and out of breath, for a few moments. Recovering from the high, their hearts still racing, but beating happily… and they both started to giggle.

_“Well, that was something”_ Noah managed.

_“Indeed…”_ Dan responded back, with a grin plastered all over his face. _“Let me go and get a cloth, otherwise we’re going to regret this quickly”._

Dan came back with two glasses of water, some wipes and a dry cloth and took his time to carefully clean Noah and then himself. Once he had finished, he dropped the cloth and wipes onto the floor and settled again next to Noah.

They fell in the same position as before, on their sides, facing each other all tangled up, immersing themselves into each other, not able to articulate a single word. The silence between them was thick with unsaid thoughts and implied admiration for each other. They didn’t have to talk to realise that they were both falling for one another.

Noah couldn’t bring himself to speak. He didn’t want to ruin this perfect moment by bringing up his imminent departure and what this would mean for any semblance of future together that may have crossed their minds. It had definitely crossed Noah’s mind, but was this just a one-night stand for Dan or did he also want something more? Noah didn’t want to find out, so he kept quiet. He wanted to remember this night as that one fucking special night that had finally filled that hole in his chest, in his soul. Even if for just one moment.

They kept caressing one another for a long time, unable to stop glaring and admiring their bodies, beaming with satisfaction and affection.

After a while, Dan took them out of their silent trance.

_“Join me for a shower”_ Dan offered.

Noah followed Dan into the bathroom and hugged him from behind resting his face on his back, while the water was warming up. He had too many thoughts racing through his mind but couldn’t articulate any of them.

The water felt like silk running though their bodies, feeling sensual and erotic, and before they could realise they were kissing and rubbing against each other again, turned on like the last couple of hours had not taken place yet.

Noah was aware that he had not tasted Dan’s cock yet and suddenly it was the only thought invading his mind. There was nothing more he wanted right now than to have Dan’s length inside his mouth, teasing him with his tongue and tasting his sweetness.

Noah kneeled in front of Dan, holding him by the hips, and searched with his mouth until he got what he wanted.

_“Ohhhh fuck Noah, you feel so good…”_

Noah surprised himself by actually really enjoying this, he had not been sure what it would feel like – never having sucked a cock in his life before. But he liked it, he _loved_ it. Dan’s moans turned him even more, making him increase his pace and finding a rhythm that had Dan whining and grasping his hair. Noah looked up to watch Dan’s face and he was all of a sudden overwhelmed by a deep sense of devotion and warmth. He never wanted to stop doing this. This felt just right.

_“Noah… Noah… I’m… gonna… God…”_

The moans only heightened Noah’s desire to pleasure Dan, so he increased his rhythm.

_“God!!! Yes!!! Fuck fuck fuck… Noahhhh!!!”_

Dan came hard in Noah’s mouth and once he had recovered from the shock of having someone else’s cum in his mouth, Noah actually relished in the feeling, only reassuring him further that his feelings just a moment ago were correct: this felt just right. More right than anything before in his life.

Noah stood up and Dan quickly grabbed him by the nape, bringing him in close for a filthy kiss.

_“My turn”_ Dan announced with a cheeky grin in his face, licking his lips in anticipation.

Noah considered telling him that he didn’t have to do that, but fuck it, he really wanted it, so he let him have at it.

It was perfect, like Dan’s mouth had been moulded to take his cock and just his cock alone. And the pleasure rippled through his body like it had never done before.

_“Jesus Dan… your mouth is so fucking flawless. Suck me, suck me hard please”_ Noah managed to say in between moans and groans.

He was so turned on by the image of what was happening between his legs, plus the image of what he had just done himself, with the taste of Dan’s cum still in his mouth. Everything was so overpowering that he came fast without any warning into Dan’s mouth.

_“Fuck, sorry… so sorry. Shit! I didn’t mean to…”_ he babbled.

_“It’s okay”_ Dan chuckled in amusement _“Don’t worry about it. It seems like you enjoyed that”_

_“Fuck yeah…”_ Noah replied with a beaming grin in his face.

They finished their shower, unable to stop giggling and teasing each other, and headed back to bed once they were dry and had put some underwear on.

They were exhausted from the evening’s events and quickly fell asleep, Dan big-spooning Noah, whispering soft compliments into his ear until they were unconscious.

***

Noah woke up abruptly, a bit disoriented, having briefly forgotten where he was. He sat up on the bed and looked at Dan, peacefully sleeping next to him. He was suddenly engulfed by an uncontrollable sadness. He had finally found what he had been looking for all this time, but he had to leave it behind.

Devastated, he got out of bed and started looking for his things. It was 3am and his flight was leaving at 7, meaning that he had 4 hours to get back to his hotel, pack, checkout and get to the airport on time. Doable, no doubt, but in his current state of mind everything was taking double the amount of time. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion while his mind fought the sorrowful thoughts trying to invade it.

Without saying goodbye, or leaving a note, Noah left. He didn’t think he would see Dan again.

***

Noah had been in Toronto for a few days when the first text messages arrived.

  * Ok, so I can’t wait for you to write first any longer
  * I can’t fucking believe you left in the middle of the night
  * Without saying goodbye
  * I don’t want anything from you Noah. You’ve made it very clear where you stand
  * But just tell me one thing. Tell me that for you it meant nothing and I’ll leave you alone  
  

  * It’s Dan by the way. In case you’ve fucking deleted my number



He read the texts, once, twice and a few more times after that. But he didn’t reply straight away.

When he’d got home, he had a heart to heart with Clare. She’d kept to her word and had waited for him these couple of weeks, knowing what he was going to be doing whilst on the road. What she had not been expecting was to get a broken man back.

He told her everything. Well – almost everything.

_His hook-ups in every city_

_His realisation that that wasn’t what he wanted after the fiasco in Sacramento_

_How he had regretted everything_

_He told her about Mike and the gay bar in San Francisco_

_And told her about seeing Stacey and Dan in LA_

_His instant attraction to Dan and how easy everything had been with him_

_How he panicked while closely dancing with him_

_He told her about the pier and going home with him_

But he left out some of the most important details:

_His ultimate understanding of his sexuality_

_How perfect and right it had felt to be with Dan_

_How miserable he’d been leaving him behind_

_How he couldn’t bear to say goodbye because otherwise he would have just stayed_

Clare had understood. Or at least she had understood up to the extent that Noah had been willing to show her. She’d thought that his hook-up with Dan was just that, another hook-up like the ones he’d had before. Noah had been sorry, he’d had apologised to her for putting her through this experience. And even knowing that he would never have what he had had with Dan with her, he decided to stay and work on their relationship.

And then the texts arrived.

He had toyed with the idea of texting Dan many times. He’d almost done it before boarding his flight, but the right words never came to him then. He tried again that first night in Toronto, when he was lying in bed, completely wrecked from his conversation with Clare, all raw and crestfallen, missing the taste of his skin and the touch of his fingers through his hair. But again, the words never came to him. He tried several more times, with the same worthless result, until he gave up trying.

Was he going to reply to these texts? He would admit to feeling his heart about to explode when he noticed the notifications on his phone. The tension and stress before he opened them. And the anguish when he finally read them and knew that he had nothing to say.

Of course it had meant something. It had meant **_everything_**.

But Noah was not about to say that to him. What would it achieve? They were still two thousand five hundred miles away from each other.

He could reply and say that it meant nothing. Dan had said that he would leave him alone. But he didn’t want to lie to him either.

He opted for not replying. Lying by omission.

Noah got back to his old routine. Auditioning, creating music, seeing his mates, and having a conventional boring relationship with Clare. To the untrained eye it would appear like nothing had changed, but for Noah everything had changed. He adjusted, though. He pushed through.

A month later, the next texts showed up:

  * Stacey tells me you’re still with Clare
  * I see
  * It’s so clear now then



Again, the uncertainty of whether to reply or not got the best of him… He wrote and deleted so many messages, changing his mind about the content of those sentences so many times. They varied from _I fucking miss_ _you_ to _Leave me alone_ , with no sentiment in the middle.

Once more, he didn’t reply.

The third and final text came a couple of months later.

  * It was nice meeting you Noah. Have a happy life.



***

** 4 years later **

Dan, David, Monica, Rupinder and Kevin were having the usual late-night writers meet to discuss the upcoming storylines for season 3 of Schitt’s Creek.

The focus groups had received _David Rose’s_ relationship with _Jake_ quite well and the idea of introducing a new love interest for _David_ was on the table.

_“It doesn’t have to be anything serious to begin with, so if the chemistry is not there, or we don’t have the same reception from the focus groups, then we can drop it”_ said Rupinder.

_“How about a business partner, like a finance manager that will help David with the store?”_ suggested Dan.

_“I like that. But it would be harder to find a way out if they are involved in business and in love”_ interjected David West Read.

They discussed at length the features and attributes of the character. They decided on a name – _Patrick Brewer_ – and gave him an enigmatic past: just broke up with his long term girlfriend, whom he had been engaged to for a while too, and who’d run away in the search of some inner peace and soul searching until he arrived in Schitt’s Creek. He was gay, but hadn’t realised that about himself just yet.

That evening, once he got home, Dan called Stacey for a quick catch up.

_“We’re introducing a new love interest for David – this could be fun!”_

_“Exciting! And about time too! Have you got anyone in mind or are you going to audition?”_ enquired Stacey.

_“We’re definitely going to audition. This person needs to be just right, the chemistry needs to be there, so we’ll put the word out and see what we get”_ Dan said.

“Mmmm… I think I know the right person for the job”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, left kudos and commented. This has been my first piece of fiction but I have really enjoyed the process, so there will be more from me in the future, even if it's utter rubbish :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and please do let me know if you have any feedback. I reiterate that this is my first piece of fiction ever and I have no idea what I am doing :)
> 
> Chapter titles are lyrics from Villain, by Noah Reid.


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